September 10, 2007

I know I’m supposed to be the strong one since I’m going off to war, but I do have an admission or two to make. These past few weeks in this big empty apartment have really been getting to me. For a while, it was like Jessica and Luke were just on vacation and they hadn’t come back. My schedule was off, and I was sleeping weird hours, but that’s because I had just gotten off leave.

But I didn’t really seem to get any better. I was healthy, could do all the push-ups and sit-ups I needed to, but I just didn’t feel right or could get to bed on time. Then the orders for our Early Return of Dependents came to me, and I was able to move most of the furniture and goods out. I think it got worse then.

I like people. I can have plenty of fun all by myself reading and playing computer games, but at the end of the day, I’d rather be talking to someone or playing a game with someone than sitting alone in my apartment. I’ve always had room mates in college, and married life seemed to be just what I needed. Once Luke came along, I had someone to play with when even Jessica felt like she got enough of my attention for that day, which I completely understand.

Now they are all gone and I’ve been stir crazy in this apartment for weeks. Not for just human interaction, which I get at work, and at PT, but the little things. When I read something funny, I can point it out to someone. When slashdot or my webcomics don’t update, I can have someone to explain my troubles to. I never ran out of things to do between spending time with the family and getting other stuff done. I think I might have even complained to Jessica that I didn’t get any time for myself, which might have been true, but sure seems silly now.

There’s something weird about our relations with other people, in that it is very rarely that someone outside of my family, even if they’re a friend and I like them, can give me that feeling of having enough meaningful contact to not feel lonely. Even when Luke or Jessica were mad at me, I’d rather have them here and mad at me than pleasant and 6000 miles away.

I guess you could say I miss them.

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