“I Can’t Do It”

I’ve heard these words a lot recently. “I can’t do it.” “It’s too hard.” “Just tell me what to do.” Etc. This is either my son, a student who won’t read the directions on a worksheet, or a teenager who has not brought a writing utensil, binder, book to a reading class, or  can’t remember to complete or turn in their homework. The students won’t try unless it’s spelled out to them individually and repeated 100 times. Even, to my horror, from my own son. If everyone knew how hard I had to work to make him play with his portable Nintendo system, they’d wonder why I tried at all. It’s work

I asked my parents how much they had to remind me to do homework. They remembered that it was a lot harder to motivate me than I recall, coincidently. Apparently I refused to practice anything that I couldn’t do successfully the first time. If my little brother did better than I did at something, that was the end of it; I wouldn’t try again. One of the qualities that has made me successful in college, at my banking job, in the Army, and (hopefully) as a law student is that I wouldn’t give in and would continue to work until I’d exhausted every avenue of approach.

The frustrating part of all this? That I was the one who frustrated someone previously. Being a self-identified hypocrite is a tough, bitter, non-chewable pill to swallow. It’s like seeing a pill and assuming it has to be chewable. So you bite into it, but it cracks a tooth and there’s a horrible taste in your mouth that toothpaste can’t get rid of. That’s what this feels like.

The other part of this that I  just don’t understand is when did it all change? Most likely, there is no identifiable date. “Oh, look! April 5th, 2002 I suddenly kept all my appointments and buckled down at work!” More like a slow process of improvements gained through long hours at the grindstone of character.

Whatever. Typing this post is taking too long. I quit. I’mma gonna play some Wii now.

Childish Lit Crit

“Fox in socks and Knox in box.” These are just a few of the words that I have had the pleasure of trying to stumble my numb tongue over tonight. I think Dr. Seuss’s use of the “Tweetle beetle bottled muddle puddle paddle battle” is the same last straw it was for Mr. Knox. But it was a lot of fun to read this book to my son tonight for more reasons than the pure oratory athleticism it requires to make it through the book in less than 15 minutes.

Childrens’ literature is written and illustrated by adults. I’ve read a fair share of it to my son, but so much of it, like fiction in general, is just not worth reading. The plots are so obvious that my four year old can tell me how it is going to end before we’ve finished the first reading, and they either aim too high or too low for children. These books should have a lasting appeal in case I don’t happen to read a book during the three month period in my child’s development that he would find it interesting. I think, (and not originally, might I add) that the books penned by the author with the incredibly famous pseudonym of Dr. Seuss stand up to this test.

My son, right now, can’t read. He’s four, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt for now. He likes the rhyming and silliness of the situations that make up a Dr. Seuss book. (I use the doctor term because I think he’s earned it.) But I, the parent with an English Degree, enjoy the clever rhyming, unique metrical style, punning, and the artwork that was also done by the same person. People usually are blessed with a superior talent in life, where the good Dr. Seuss was able to illustrate as well as he wrote. These qualities of the books cause parents to smile as often as the child, and that is the true beauty behind the absurdity of books like “The Cat in the Hat comes Back.”

What are some other childrens’ books that will stand the test of time as well as Dr. Seuss? I am always looking for new recommendations and would like to hear yours.

Good Times

Did I totally skip the month of August? You bet! It’s been a great couple of months since I left the military, and I have been busy, busy, busy despite my current lack of employment. No rest for the weary, they say, but since leaving Germany I have yet to get tired of this new life.

I spent weeks with my son and we have gotten to understand one another again. This is important. He listens when I say things because he knows I mean them, both when I reward or discipline him. Rewards happen more often because I can’t help but love him, but he’s a four year old boy. Every boy needs some correction now and then, or else they’d be robots. Also, he’s started Pre-Kindergarten and loves it. I’m not one to brag about my son (all day: I have to rest and get a drink of water sometimes), but he gets compliments from his teachers each day and even received one from another parent!

I have gotten to spend time with friends I haven’t seen in years. I go over and play video games with a buddy while our kids play together (which is weird in a fun way), I play my pen and paper tabletop games once a week with old and becoming friends gathered around the table. I’ve seen my grandmothers more than just once a week for the two weeks I used to visit when I was on leave in the military. My cousins and I have been able to hang out and see each other sometime other than Christmas or Thanksgiving.

The only thing I haven’t done yet? Get a job and post on here. Well, there’s one thing taken care of. If finding a teaching or paralegal job was as easy as blogging! I don’t get enough traffic on this site for it to even supplement my income, but I know people who do. I’ve identified a potential new career path to explore!

If anyone who reads this needs an odd job done, let me know. I’m sufficiently odd to fix a variety of problems! Also, I can open jars, lift heavy objects, and conduct thorough legal analysis. Call my cell, I’ll work you in to my schedule if you need me.  I jest, of course. My resume is posted underneath “Pages” on the left of this post, then “Work Resume.”

I did update the Flickr page with some pictures of Luke and I showing a friend from the United Kingdom around the Fort Worth Stockyards. It was hot that day, in a classic Texan fashion, but it was fun. Check them out here.

I think this post contains a record number of exclamation marks in one piece of writing that I’ve done, so I should probably stop now. Suffice to say, this time has been good to me and I would like to share it. Thanks for reading.

New or Old Times

Old friends are hard to come by. By definition, they have to be friends first, which are not the easiest thing to find all the time. Second, they have to be friends for a period of time long enough to start sentences with phrases like, “remember the time back then, when” or something similar. And third, they can’t be hard to catch up with. If you can’t talk to them now, then something has changed drasticaly or you just got along well and might not have been friends. There’s a difference.

I was happy to see a lot of old buddies and to eat a lot of good food. I was proud at how much fun my son was in company and how he impressed so many with his wit and charm. I am humbled by all the other people who said thanks to me for serving in the Army and have never gotten used to people doing that. It does make me feel appreciated.

But most of all, I found out there are people who mean something to me even if i hadn’t seen them in four years or four days, and the fact that they still care about me blows my mind into a fine particulate of former disbelief. To all those who stopped by, thank you again. You made my night.

First Blackberry Post

Every night I put my son to bed, I have been surfing the mobile web while I wait the 10 or so minutes for him to go to sleep. Now I have found http://m.wordpress.com which allows me to read, post, and work on my blogs each night. I think this is a good thing.

Perhaps I can use this time which is currently used to re-read the same twitter, facebook, and myspace postings all over, and instead be working on a draft post or publishing something on my blogs. Perhaps.

In Japan, they have these novels people read on their phones that were written by other people on their phones. Let me repeat the significant part of that statement: written on their phones! Granted, I have not heard of anything that rivals a Dickens or Steinback yet, but mediums are changing quickly if I can write this very post on my new Blackberry Curve smart phone. Review is forthcoming of the phone.

For me, knowing some other imperfect human has done something gives me a bunch of encouragement to at least try that same thing, and makes me realize how much we human beings are capable of if we try and think hard enough. The current 40th anniversary of the lunar landing is an example of the intellectual upper echelons of human achievement, with Michael Phelps being a good example of the physical. I understand I might not have the physical ability to swim 4 miles a day, even if I worked hard for the rest of my life, I do know I could swim at least one.

This kind of thinking is what led me to running 26.2 miles in April and to sign up for another marathon, the Fort Worth Cowtown in February. If amazing singular humans can walk on the moon or write novels on their cell phones, a more well rounded individual like myself can be posting small updates like this one, work on a poem or a book, or run a few marathons.

Now I conclude, hopefully, the first of many posts from my phone, and hope these rambling words (which I think the late hour, darkness-save-for-the-cell-phone-screen, and soft bed are inspiring) provide you the mental feul to think of some realistically fantastic goal to set for yourself and take the first few steps towards it.

Review: Video Game: Mass Effect

The review I write of any piece of art is going to focus more heavily on the narrative aspects of the work because that is what I am interested in. All media has some sort of narrative, whether it’s a simple or understated one, like in a painting, or complex and fully fleshed out, like most books. If you’ve kept up with this blog, then you know that I expect video games will be the primary means of artistic expression in another generation or two, just as movies have replaced books for the majority of the population. Bioware has made a good effort of shuffling this process along by releasing Mass Effect.

The opening title screen is what sets the mood. A slow, synth-orchestrated intro of a sun rising over a view of a planet from orbit, with the title slowly fading in. My first thoughts were “Blade Runner” due to the sublimely sublimated soundtrack. It continues to get better through the entire game. The voice acting for the different player and non player characters is superb as well, compared to games, and acceptable when compared with movies.

Graphics are good, with minor loading issues that eventually fill in as you enter areas.

The game play is good. Combat feels like a slower paced third person shooter, but it can be hard to determine what is going on around you unless you constantly pause the combat. At the end of the game, I was able to single-shot kill most enemies with an upgraded shotgun, and I skipped some of the larger side missions. The game deserves a derogatory mention of the way you collect weapons and armor from enemies and manage the resulting inventory. I couldn’t program it, but I could think of 10 different ways that other games have handled it better. The elevators are clever disguises for loading screens, but due to the inability to do anything inside of them, they are just as sharp of a break in the experience.

The main bread and butter of this review is the narrative and dialogue system. First, the narrative.

There is a slight build up of escalating mission goals with Shepard, a special military agent, leading a hunt for a rogue agent, which slowly turns into an epic “save the civilized galaxy” story. But like the best dramas, the plot is somewhat inconsequential. The secret to most good narratives is the characters that the plot works around, and while the nature of the primary character that the player controls is somewhat malleable, it is the group of other adventurers that accompany Shepard that shine.

The female Chief Petty Officer with a family history she’s living down in the military; the wanna-be tough cop Turian who can’t respect the rules; the wandering Quarian who has to find something before returning home; the Krogan who is the last of a dying species and working for whoever pays; the naive anthropologist looking for the nurturing relationship her mother couldn’t give her; the Lieutenant who has to come to grips with the limitations he has placed upon himself; all these characters are enough for individual short stories, and Bioware takes its time and spends considerable resources fleshing each one of these people out. The result is a rich tableau of interconnecting stories, even amongst a galactic backdrop. Bioware is concerned with the villains as much as it is the protagonists, as the enemy agent, Seran, has a fascinating story and psyche that is revealed through clever cut scenes and interaction.

The game requires you to weigh the needs of one companion against the other. For example, one time you are forced to make the choice on which person, who, after this much time together you would call most of your companions friends, you have to volunteer for a possible suicide mission. If or when a character dies, you feel the loss and your other companions deal with it as well, either through viewing your subsequent actions differently, or supporting you.  The game is not afraid to have plots that don’t end happily, or some which are never completely resolved, which gives a feeling that there is more going on in the galaxy than even one extraordinary person with a space ship full of extraordinary help can accomplish. This is a good thing.

Also notable is the considerable amount of pregenerated history and lore the game comes packaged with through the use of a Codex or in game encyclopedia. The characters talk about their surroundings, history, life styles, and other people as if they were real people. Bioware’s money on hiring a “professional” writer to flesh out the timelines, details, and “fluff” necessary to create a believable world is well spent.  Obviously Bioware is setting this up for a trilogy, as stated in press releases. Other media, who have not taken this much effort to create the setting in which the story takes place, have watched their sequels ring hollow as the continuous “make it up as we go along” approach results in an unweildly narrative with a reliance on plot devices to close holes, instead of believable decisions by the characters.

The dialogue system, I’m sure, will be incorporated into future Bioware products quickly, due to the ease of use the system brings to dialogue. A small circle with choice appears at the bottom of the screen with various selections that indicate the general nature of the response Shepard will actually give. An example is necessary. During a hostage negotiation, Shepard can respond a couple of ways. The choices available to you are “You don’t have to do this.” “Can we talk this out?” “Go ahead, I don’t care.” What he actually says, is “Just put the gun down, let the hostages go, there are other ways to deal with this problem,” or, “Let’s talk about this. Tell me what we can do to resolve this so no one gets hurt,” or, “Shove it, bad guy. I don’t care if you blow their brains out or not, I’m still going to kill you afterwards.”

This system works 99% of the time, with the occasional “No” turning into an angry retort you didn’t expect, or a “Yes” being said with more sarcasm, and offending someone you didn’t mean to. Regardless, the system works more than most of the time and makes the dialogue interesting since you are not hearing Shepard re-speak the exact words you just read. This keeps conversations more interesting than in some games, and provides an immersion that there is a real narrative that your character is an actor in the events with real decisions, not just a puppet on strings for some omniscient player.

In whole, Mass Effect was a wonderful experience for the 32 hours it took me to finish. I did two thirds of the optional content,  and could have spent another six hours in the universe if I chose, but unfortunately many of the side missions are a bit repetitive. If you focus on just the character driven ones, instead of the “random ship is hit by random pirates. Go investigate at random point,” then your experience will be a bit shorter than mine.

I am anxiously awaiting Mass Effect 2 which has been announced. The characters and story are well above the average, and I hadn’t had this much fun in a role playing game since Neverwinter Nights 2: Mask of the Betrayer. It mixes the best elements of Blade Runner’s exploration of humanity, Star Wars’ space opera, and Star Trek’s exploration of possible futures within an interactive experience that none of those movies could provide in their native media format.

I recommend Mass Effect to anyone with a computer or XBox 360 who enjoys a great story, role playing games, science fiction, or easy shooters.

Father – Son relations

I’ve been home since the 7th of July. You’ll have to excuse my lack of posting, but I am enjoying the time with my son too much to sit on a computer for too long, unless he is sitting in my lap as we play a game. I am sure the parents who read this can understand.

Tonight, he is asleep and this is the first night I haven’t fallen asleep at the same time he has (curse you, jet lag!). To give you an idea of the kinds of activities that are keeping me busy as a slowly reintegrating father, I have, in the past week: gone to the park 3 times, McDonald’s twice, helped make cookies, fought countless battles with plastic lightsabers, taught my son 10 vocabulary words (I am an aspiring English teacher), swam in the grandparent’s pool every day but one, woken up before 8 AM every morning, made several dozen juice drinks, taken a couple of pictures, and gone to church. All of this is, of course, with Luke.

The highlight of my week, if any single activity is more precious than another, has been playing Lego Star Wars with Luke, on the Nintendo Wii. We have played through the Episode IV content, and are working on Empire Strikes Back. And, because we’ve been playing the games, we’ve also watched A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back in the past few days. My son, who was excited about Star Wars before he ever watched a movie, and had only seen a couple of episodes of The Clone Wars on Cartoon Network, is now ga-ga for Jedi. I couldn’t be happier.

The best singular moment, though, was when Luke Skywalker learns that a certain someone is his father. Last Christmas, my mother, being the savvy mother of two geeks like she is, bought me a red plastic lightsaber and my son a blue lightsaber. When Luke, Skywalker type, has his hand cut off by his father who wields a red lightsaber, Luke, my son type, looks over at me with a very suspicious look on his face.

“Darth Vader was Luke’s father,” he says, more as a statement than a question.

“Yes.”

“But he cut off his son’s hand with his red lightsaber.”

“Yes. Luke Skywalker didn’t know it was his dad he was fighting, who is a bad guy.”

“His dad is a bad guy?”

“Yes.”

“My blue lightsaber won’t really cut anything off.”

“Right.”

“Or your red one.”

“It definitely will not cut anything off for real.”

“Ok. Can I have the red one anyways?”

Two New Features: Fantasy and Reviews!

First of all, I will be posting even more Berlin photos. Having received 3 comments in emails and Facebook messages about my Berlin photos means I broke a personal record of feedback on anything. The previous record was 0. Technically, or mathematically, 3 is infinitely more feedback than 0, so I will post more. Thanks for the encouragement!

Second. I have been reading some websites and magazines about writing. In the past week, the Staff Judge Advocate I work for has given me an award and a farewell speech, and both times he mentioned I was a writer. Well, the last time I wrote a whole short story was almost four years ago, and the last time I wrote a complete poem, and not just a stanza or two, was three months ago. The advice I’ve received from the different sources can be summed up as thus: the more you write, the more you want to write. This is the definition of a catch-22 phrase (which is also a book I need to read, apparently) so I will try to write more on this blog in two ways.

A new feature for this blog will be reviews. From now on, regardless of whether I read a book, play a game, see a movie, or consume any other kind of media that I don’t create on my own, I will write a review of it here on this blog. Reviews are incredibly subjective, and except for facts like play control in a game, number of pages in a book, who acted in a movie, and what the track list on a CD is, there is no single objective criteria to base how relatively worthy a piece of media is. Everyone will have their own personal bias that either engenders them or precludes them from liking some aspect of a media based experience. If you follow me on this blog, I assume you know me well enough to understand what kind of tendencies I have when it comes to entertainment and education, so you should apply that filter to anything I write. You should probably already be doing this, in fact.

When you see a review for a video game, and you don’t play video games, it will be marked such so you don’t have to waste your time. The same goes with music, movies, books, TV shows, etc. I do not plan on replacing any of the websites like Gamespot.com, et.com, imdb.com, or any of the other media review conglomerations, but if you save yourself $25 by not buying that hardcover book, movie, or video game I recommended against, then this site will be worth it. And, inversely, if you decide to try something you normally wouldn’t because I did recommend it, and enjoy it, then I letting me know that fact would make me more pleased that getting paid to do this ever would (depending on the amount).

The second feature, besides the occasional life updates and the aforementioned reviews I put up on this blog, will be my starting of another blog where I will write a book. The best, and most inspirational, idea I read was several authors who wrote a book through blog posts, committing themselves to a certain number of words per day or week. I think this will be the avenue to go. I will let you know what the blog is when I finish setting it up, but here is a short synopsis: the story will be about a group of adventurers living in a fantastical world out to save the world from an unknown threat that comes from the lands below the ground they walk on. Basically, I will be writing out one of my Dungeons and Dragons campaigns of old, and hoping to have more than 10 people read it when I’m finished. Another piece of advice I read was as follows, “Even if it’s bad, write continually. Eventually you will have enough material to choose a somewhat good story from amongst all the crap.” That one was not quite as inspirational, but it was truthful.

Bear with me if you’ll read this stuff, and wade through the crap if you can. Provide feedback, help me polish and give me ideas as long as you know you will only get a passing thanks in the dedication if this book ever gets published. It’s the thought that counts, right? So then that will be thanks enough, instead of us having to split the non-existent royalties check 100 different ways.

And, as always, let me know if you have any other ideas. Thanks.

End of Term of Service Speech

Below is the speech I gave today when I was awarded the Army Commendation Medal as I leave the military.

Thank you for the kind introduction, Sir.

I quickly wanted to thank a few people who aren’t here. I do this so their accomplishments can be recognized the next time you see them, even if I am gone.

SFC Davis and SFC Cooper taught me a lot about being a soldier, an NCO, and how to take care of soldiers, and when that means rewarding or when that means being tough. Between those two NCOs, I learned no one has any excuse not to do well on PT, soldier skills, or office work. SFC Davis is still teaching me things 4 years later, and I am still running on the track, in marathons, and forward in life, thanks to SFC Cooper.

SGM Tyler is the epitome of what a paralegal and NCO should be, which is why he’ll shortly be the Regimental CSM. I don’t have to expand any further on that. Thank you SGM.

To the officers I’ve worked for, I want to thank you for all being such friendly professionals. When you show consideration of your subordinates opinion by going so far as to explain any improvements or changes necessary, that shows a lot of respect and care for soldiers, and it was deeply appreciated. You’d have every right to just tell me “Go and get this done because I told you to,” but you take the time to explain it to me. You will be successful with leadership like that.

The civilians in the JAG Corps are so different than the civilians you see working elsewhere. This is a good thing. From Mr. Parker’s efficient but excitable manner, to Christine Hauser and Beatta Korz’s kindness in helping me 100s of times. Thank you.

I am leaving the military after 4 years, and at times it has been a hard career. I can think back to Iraq, trying to bend my head around regulations that were not written to accommodate the Arabic custom of “inshallah;” all those court-martials full of witnesses who were not going to arrange for their own travel; hundreds of Article 15s and chapter packets, hundreds of clients who wanted to know if their Power of Attorney would really let their spouse do anything. And that was just the desk work, not the countless formations, vehicle maintenance, and flutter kicks, how I especially hate flutter kicks. Do I even need to mention the omnipresent sand in Iraq?

In spite of all that, I’d sign up for the last four years again in a heartbeat. The OSJA of 1st AD did some amazing things in garrison and in Iraq, and there is a large part of me that wants to go with yall again. No one will ever take that deployment away from us, and the amazing things we did there, with the support of the rear detachment and our families. Unfortunately, that part of me, my heart, is held on to by my family who are going through a troubled time, and need me to assist them back in Texas.

But I will be jealous every time I read the good news coming out of Baghdad in 2010, knowing this office is working behind the scenes to make the world a much better place. The first time a teenager says something too smart in my high school class, I’ll wish for the days of compulsory respect and the power to prescribe pushups. Every time I see Old Glory flying, I’m going to miss making that salute as I stroll by, because it will remind me of the 4 years I spent serving in America’s Tank Division.

Thank you all for helping me grow these important 4 years of my life, making it so memorable, and being my trusted allies, mentors, and friends.
May God bless you all.

Clearing Papers

Today I am proud to admit that I shammed a bit.  Of course, I only did so after I cleared it with my boss, but it felt good to not have to do everything the rest of the office is doing for a day.

I picked up my “clearing papers” yesterday, which means I am in the last 10 working days of my stay in the Army.  For the next two and a half weeks, I will be closing out old accounts at places, coming off duty rosters, wiping my name from systems, and handing out dozens of copies detailing that I am leaving the Army.

This might be exciting enough for just one post to my blog, but wait! There’s more!

Also, I posted most of the pictures I took from Berlin on my Flickr page, available here and over on the left side of my blog. Pay attention to the skies behind the buildings I was taking pictures of, they are simply amazing. I don’t know what I did to my camera, but it took some much better pictures than I am used to for the four days I was in Berlin. Perhaps Berlin knew I was coming, so they arranged for good meteorological conditions for me.

Possibly not. When I got there, I started taking pictures right out of the Hauptbahnhof, noting that there were dark skies coming. I started towards my hotel, about one and a half miles away, but got caught in the rain. I put on the hooded windbreaker I brought as the extent of my rain gear, and then ran all the way to the hotel. I was drenched, soaked, and sloshing when I turned the last corner to my hotel. Magically, the rain immediately stopped and I walked into the hotel looking like a drowned dufus. If I had just stood under an overhang for 15 minutes, the whole thing would have passed me by and I would have been much more dry.

It didn’t rain the rest of the time I was there, so if that’s what it took, then I’m ok with it. I dried off with the hair dryer attached to the wall in the room, and headed out to take some of those amazing pictures you’ll see in my Berlin album.